A couple years ago, I was walking the dog and listening to a podcast, as I do. I stumbled across Mel Robbins explaining her “Let Them Theory.”
I’m sure you’ve heard of it.
Robbins popularized the concept. She has written a bestselling book, has made videos, and has travelled the world talking about it. The book is front-and-center at my local Barnes and Noble and has been for months.
(Side note: The theory actually originated in a poem by Cassie Phillips. Mel Robbins isn’t really responding to accusations of plagiarism. It’s a whole thing. You can chase the rabbits down their holes here if you’d like. I have thoughts, but that’s a post for a different time).
Regardless of who originated it, the “Let Them theory” is pretty helpful. It has definitely transformed many of my responses to personal challenges in everyday life.
What the "Let Them” theory is ultimately about is power. If you just let people be who they are, you don’t give away your power by stressing about their responses. You keep your own power because you are taking control of your response.
But. Wait.
Does this apply to schools? To principals, to teachers, to leaders?
What about when we’re supposed to be in charge of others’ productivity? Their behaviors, their outputs, their outcomes? How can we be all, “Ahhhh, let ‘em do whatever” when, in our jobs, we are, quite literally, hired to hold people accountable?
Well, here’s the thing. It’s both.
Think about the people you oversee, whether it’s a classroom of students, a teaching staff, or a whole district.
Whoever your “them” is: We can hold them accountable. We can develop expectations. We can set standards and meet them.
We don’t “let them” do whatever they want, however they want, whenever they want.
It’s their reactions where we implement the “Let Them” mindset.
Years ago, when I was serving as an assistant principal at a middle school, someone told me “everyone” was mad at me for a decision I’d made. It was a classic cycle: We’d had a problem with alignment; I got input and perspective; then I made the decision. In doing so, I clarified some protocols we needed to follow.
In reality, everyone wasn’t mad at me. About half the people were happy, and about half were… very much not happy. Some were really angry. The mad ones were saying all kinds of things.
Enter the Let Them mindset.
Notice I didn’t enact my “let them” before the decision was made.
I didn’t let us all keep being fragmented, following different systems and processes.
It was afterwards, when implementation was happening, that I couldn’t get swept up in their reactions. I had to let them be mad, let them be offended, let them be mad at me. I had to be okay with that, knowing my response was the only response in my control.
I also had to let the happy people be happy— let them support the decision and talk about how it was helpful.
Said differently, when people thought I was a fool, I let them think it. When people thought I was smart, I let them think it.
What I did not do was ignore the problem in the first place.
Listen. It’s not easy when everyone is mad at you. I know this more than anyone.
But sometimes, if you’ve made a sound decision or if you are sticking to clear and effective systems, you’ve got to let the rest go.
That’s all for now. I hope you all are soft-falling into June. For my friends in districts who don’t graduate until later this month, hang in there! The rest of us are thinking of you!
Jen
P.S. As always, no AI was used in creating this newsletter. Except spell check!
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