I have a friend who is raising two delightful, spunky, creative daughters. She sends me photographs every now and then, and let me tell you, these children are happy and thriving little people. The last photo she sent had one of her daughters in Christmas pajamas with paint slathered on like a grown-up’s facial peel, a spray bottle and hairbrush in hand. A spa day, clearly. The other daughter woke up meowing like a kitten, then surrounded herself with a Halloween-themed craft project. Both are the epitome of delight and creativity.
My friend has been very thoughtful about being a parent. In fact, when she was pregnant with her first baby, she proactively asked friends for perspective and advice on how to raise decent humans, and she has held tight to several of the suggestions.
Like this one. Apparently someone told her, “You have a finite number of “no”s in a day that they’ll listen to. Use them wisely.”
What wonderful advice!
For parents, sure. But I thought about that with school leadership, too.
In a school, a principal’s "no" carries enormous weight. But if we aren't careful, we can spend our finite, unspoken allotment on things that simply don't matter in the grand scheme of things.
No, you can’t try that unconventional classroom layout.
No, we’ve always done this committee meeting on Tuesdays, so we can’t change it.
No, you shouldn't let students work in the hallway in between classes.
When we burn through our "no"s on compliance, control, and minor preferences, two distinct problems emerge.
First, we erode the creative, spontaneous energy that makes a school thrive—the educational equivalent of Christmas pajamas and face paint.
Second, when a real "no" is required—a vital boundary around student safety, professional ethics, or core values—our staff is already exhausted by the noise.
High-trust leaders guard their "no"s fiercely. They save them for the lines that truly cannot be crossed.
When an idea, request, or problem lands on our plate, most situations fall into one of three buckets:
The Non-Negotiable "No": Matters of safety, law, equity, and fundamental ethics. Use your finite "no" here without hesitation.
The "Yes, And...": Ideas that are bold, slightly messy, or different from how you would do it, but have great potential for kids or staff morale.
The "Why Not?": Minor preferences that don't actually impact student outcomes. If your only reason for saying "no" is personal habit or a desire for control, let it go.
When staff know that your "no" is rare, intentional, and reserved for true priorities, they listen differently when you use it. Better yet, they stop asking for permission to be creative—they just start bringing their best selves to work.
I know many of you are gearing up for the start of the year, and with that comes a lot of questions, requests, and new ideas. As you field these questions, ask yourself—Will a “no” protect something vital, or simply stand in the way of a little harmless mess?
That’s all for now. I wish you all a wonderful week!
Warmly,
Jen
P.S. Except spell check, no AI is used in creating this newsletter. It’s just me, my computer, and the very early morning song of birds in the summertime!