Years ago, driving to work, I was listening to the radio, as one did back in the olden days.
The DJ was interviewing a musician who had, for many years, been part of a 4-man band. Recently, he said, he’d decided to go off on his own, to build a solo career.
“It must get lonely,” the DJ said. “Don’t you miss the camaraderie of a band? Being part of a group? The teamwork?”
No, the musician said, emphatic and certain. “You want to know why?”
He paused.
“Bandmates have girlfriends.”
“Girlfriends?”
“Yes,” the musician said. “Every person you have in your band is another person you have to depend on, and of course they have people who depend on them. It becomes difficult to focus on making music.”
I knew what he meant. This wasn’t against the girlfriends. To the musician, the word girlfriends was a metaphor for a whole bunch of things—love, commitment, heartbreak, fights, dates, arguments, appointments, houses, mortgages, children, wanting to be two places at once.
To this now-solo artist, every bandmate was an increased chance for a broken guitar, a missed sound check, a sick day, a missed tour bus, a payroll mistake. Every person added to the group was another chance for things to go wrong.
It was easier, the musician said, to only be in charge of himself.
That, of course, is the perpetual impossibility of leadership. By its very nature, we don’t get the luxury of working alone. Our challenge is quite the opposite—to make good things happen for the collective group—in spite of the complications that come with that collective group.
When I work with others on a project or a problem, I am always—emphasis on always—better for it.
Here’s why.
Diverse Perspectives and Innovation: When multiple minds tackle a single problem, they bring unique experiences, viewpoints, and backgrounds to the table.
Shared Workload and Efficiency: “Many hands make light work,” as the saying goes. It’s easier, and faster, to get things done.
Blended Strengths: No one is good at everything. Working in a team allows individuals to lean into their specific skill sets and shine in ways they wouldn’t if working alone.
Built-in accountability and motivation: It is easy to procrastinate when you answer only to yourself. Teammates provide accountability to deadlines (and boost morale when the energy dips!)
Better problem-solving: When obstacles arise, a team can brainstorm, troubleshoot, and pressure-test ideas. You’re more likely to catch blind spots, reduce errors, and share the responsibility if things don’t work out.
Connection: Humans have a fundamental need for connection. So, yeah, girlfriends and boyfriends can provide that— but so can a work team. Navigating challenges and celebrating wins builds trust, camaraderie, and shared purpose.
Ultimately, we have a choice. Control or community?
The solo musician wasn’t wrong about the math. Every person we add to our circle is indeed another variable, another potential missed sound check, another complication. If we want a perfectly controlled, predictable performance, we need to remain solo artists.
But leadership—and progress—isn't a solo act.
It turns out, we need the "girlfriends." We need the messy, beautiful, unpredictable complications that other people bring into our lives and our work. Because while working alone might guarantee you never miss the tour bus, working together is the only way to ensure our schools, our teams, our districts work as a big, loud, beautiful band.
I hope you’re enjoying your summer so far! As always, reach out anytime if you have questions, need support, or even if you have a question you’d like me to tackle in this newsletter!
Fondly,
Jen
P.S. Except for spell-check, no AI is used in writing this newsletter.
P.P.S. If you send this (unique-to-you) link to five colleagues who might enjoy this weekly newsletter, I’ll send you a free book!